Have you ever looked at your life and wondered why you still want something more?
You have a good life. Maybe even a wonderful life. You've worked hard to build it. You have people you love, things you enjoy, and accomplishments you're proud of. There are probably days when you look around and feel incredibly grateful for all of it.
And yet, there's this little something inside you that keeps wondering, Is there more?
Then comes the guilt. Because really, what more could you possibly want? You have so much already. Shouldn't you just be happy with what you have?
I think this is something a lot of women experience, and I want to tell you what I think about it.
It's normal!
I don't believe we're meant to reach a certain point in life, declare ourselves finished, and spend the rest of our years being exactly the same person. We're always growing, changing, learning, and experiencing life. Why wouldn't our wants, interests, and dreams change along with us?
But I think there's something else going on, too. Something I've been thinking about quite a bit lately.
Most of us were never taught to get to know ourselves.
Think about that for a minute.
From the time we're little girls, we're learning how to be something. A good daughter, a good student, a good friend. Eventually, maybe a good wife, mother, employee, or businesswoman. We learn what other people expect from us, and we get pretty good at figuring out how to meet those expectations.
We make decisions about careers, relationships, families, and the kind of lives we want to build. We set goals, work hard, and celebrate when we achieve them.
But somewhere in all of that, did anyone ever suggest that we spend some time discovering who we actually are?
Not what we want to do with our lives. Not what we want to accomplish or what other people think we should become.
Just who we are.
What do I believe? What brings me joy? What interests me? What would I choose if I weren't worried about disappointing someone? What parts of myself have I never really explored?
I'm not sure we ask ourselves those questions very often. And when we do, I'm not sure we always give ourselves permission to answer them honestly.
I wonder how many of us have spent years creating lives we genuinely love without ever getting to know the woman living that life.
And before you think I'm suggesting you need to change everything, I'm not!
You might love your marriage, your family, your work, and the home you've created. You might not want to change any of those things. I think we sometimes make the mistake of assuming that wanting more must mean we're unhappy with what we already have.
But what if it doesn't?
What if the more you're feeling isn't about needing a different life? What if it's about discovering more of yourself within the life you already have?
There's a quote attributed to Ram Dass that I love:
“Only when I know who I am will I know what is possible.”
I keep coming back to that thought because it makes me wonder how much possibility we might overlook simply because we haven't taken the time to know ourselves.
I can look back at different periods of my own life and see how much I've changed. Things that once seemed terribly important don't matter nearly as much to me now. There are things I enjoy today that I never would have imagined enjoying years ago. I've questioned beliefs, changed my mind, and discovered parts of myself I didn't know existed.
And I suspect I'll continue doing all of that.
I certainly don't feel like I've finished discovering who I am!
That's part of what makes this so interesting to me. We aren't the same women we were at twenty-five or thirty-five. Life has given us experiences, perspectives, and wisdom we didn't have then. Yet sometimes we continue living according to decisions and expectations we established years ago, without stopping to ask whether they still fit.
Maybe you've always been the responsible one. The person everyone can count on. Maybe you've been so busy making sure everyone else is happy that you've gotten out of the habit of asking what makes you happy.
Or maybe there are things you've been curious about for years but never explored because they didn't seem practical, productive, or important enough.
I wonder what might happen if you gave yourself permission to be curious about those things now.
Not because you need a new goal or another accomplishment. And certainly not because there's something wrong with the woman you are today.
Simply because you're interested in getting to know her.
I think there's something wonderfully freeing about realizing we don't have to know exactly what we want before we begin exploring. We don't need a five-year plan or some grand vision of the person we're going to become. We can start by paying attention to ourselves.
What makes us smile? What do we find ourselves thinking about when we have a little quiet time? What are we doing because we love it, and what are we doing simply because we've always done it?
And perhaps one of the more interesting questions is, What would I like to experience if I didn't feel the need to explain or justify it to anyone?
You don't have to do anything dramatic with the answers. You don't even have to have answers today.
You can just begin wondering.
So, if you've been feeling that little tug inside, that sense that there might be something more, I hope you won't immediately dismiss it or make yourself feel guilty for having it.
Maybe it's not dissatisfaction at all.
Maybe it's curiosity.
Maybe there's a part of you that's ready to be discovered, an interest waiting to be explored, or a possibility you haven't considered because you've been so busy living the life you already know.
And maybe getting to know yourself is something you get to enjoy for the rest of your life.
I'll leave you with a question I've been sitting with myself
Who am I beyond all the roles I've learned to play?
I wonder what we might discover if we spent a little more time exploring that question.